


that would be enough

by arduous_ardor



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Anxiety, M/M, episode 11 killed me hahaha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-15
Updated: 2016-12-15
Packaged: 2018-09-08 16:52:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8852779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arduous_ardor/pseuds/arduous_ardor
Summary: "After the final, let's end this." These words flow through Victor like ice, and Victor struggles to understand the self-doubt which threatens to destroy Yuuri from the inside out.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Episode 11 hurt me. So this happened.

“I need to talk to you.” Those words set upon his heart like blades against ice, carving lines of worry as his mind echoes Yuuri’s quiet intonation until it becomes mere sound without meaning.Yet he conceals this with a half-smile as he brushes his hair from his face.

 

“Of course, Yuuri.”

 

And so, after they have gone back to their hotel room, after a scalding shower fails to shake the inexplicable chill he feels, he sits at the window and watches as the man who changed his life scrolls mindlessly through his phone. He responds mindlessly to a mumbled comment from his lover about Celestino and Minako, but Victor’s mind can think only of that earlier statement. 

 

The glint of gold on his partner’s hand steadies his voice enough for him to ask, “By the way, Yuuri… What did you want to talk to me about?”

 

But Yuuri’s expression does not fully hide the nervousness Victor knows his student feels; he does not miss the way the skater’s hands clench into fists. Even he, with his inability to truly understand the anxiety which devoured Yuuri from within, has begun to notice the small signs which gave their clues to what his lover concealed. 

 

“Right. After the final, let’s end this.”

 

The evenness of Yuuri’s voice makes Victor wonder for a moment if he had imagined or misinterpreted those words. Had the foundation they had built over the past eight months truly become no stronger than a layer of ice, prone to cracking beneath the weight of their respective shortcomings?

 

“This?” That’s all he can say. It’s all he can think to say and all he can physically muster.

 

Yuuri looks away, calm veneer starting to shatter. “You should be out there instead of me.”

 

“If I wanted to be there, I would be,” he replies. 

 

“And you’d win gold, because you’re the living legend Victor Nikiforov!” Yuuri’s hands begin to tremble, and Victor hopes he’s not about to cry. He doesn’t like it when Yuuri cries. Why is he bringing this up now, when they have come so far? Victor told him, “I wish that you would never retire,” and he had meant it.

 

He never wants to leave Yuuri’s side. What will it take for Yuuri to understand? His jaw clenches, but he takes a deep breath, focusing on the chill of the draft coming through the window. The frigid air helps to clear the haze of frustration settling in his chest. “And you’ll do great tomorrow in your free skate program. You’ve come a long way.”

 

“But it’s still not enough! I’ve seen the way you watch the other skaters. I know you’re ashamed of me!” Victor flinches at the tone of his voice, eyes wide. Yuuri tries his best to wrestle with these thoughts alone, he knows. He does not know what ideas plague his student’s fragile heart, the notions that seem so far-fetched when spoken aloud that he nevertheless knows Yuuri believes.

 

“But do you see the way I watch you when you skate?”

 

Silence slips between them for a moment, thin and brittle. “I’m not good enough. You and I have both known this from the start. Maybe you wanted to make me into an amazing skater… but you can’t. This is all that I am.”

 

Yuuri removes his glasses so he can wipe away the first tears which have begun to fall. Victor wants to sweep his thumb across his fiancé’s cheek, erasing these thoughts which are so blatantly untrue. “If this is what you are, then this is enough,” he whispers.

 

“No, it’s NOT!” Yuuri pounds his fists against the mattress.

 

“Why not?” Victor pushes his hair away from his forehead, exhaling sharply through his nose. What can he do to make Yuuri understand? He tells Yuuri that he’s proud of him. He says he believes in Yuuri. What more does he need to do?

 

“There’s no way I’m getting the gold tomorrow!”

 

“Don’t talk like that.”

 

“It’s true! You know it’s true! Everyone else knows it’s true! I can’t land a quad flip, and my program isn’t difficult enough to score high! It’s not enough!”

 

Victor sets his hand against Yuuri’s knee. “Yuuri, you’re tired. You’re overthinking, and you need to get some rest. Everything will seem brighter in the morning.”

 

It’s the wrong reply. Yuuri stands abruptly, sobbing in earnest now. He looks at his hand, then jerks the ring from his finger. “Here. Now you won’t feel obligated to take care of me.” 

 

Victor stares at the gold jewelry, the symbol of his love, now held out to him as if it could be given back so easily. His own ring feels like ice against his skin. “I don’t want it back, Yuuri.”

 

“Fine! I’ll just—“ He throws the ring, and it lands with a dull thud against the carpet. “I’m going for a walk now.”

 

Yuuri moves to leave, but Victor’s gaze remains on the shimmering object inches away from their closet door. He tries to speak, but a strangled sob is all that escapes his lips. It’s been so long since he last cried… Ah. So this is happening. 

 

But the sound causes Yuuri to turn around, his own face still stained with tears. “Victor?” 

 

“What more must I do for you to understand that you’re enough for me, Yuuri?” He receives no response, but Yuuri inches closer, shock carved into his features like a chisel against a block of ice. 

 

He looks down at the ring Yuuri had given him and brushes it gently with his fingertips. “I know you want to win. And maybe I’ve pushed you too hard…” The sniffle which interrupts his words sounds so unbecoming to his ears, he nearly cringes. “I’ve always believed you can win. But if you don’t, that’s okay.”

 

“Why would you want to stay with someone who can’t win?” Yuuri’s voice is a soft mumble; Victor can barely discern the words.

 

“Yuuri… don’t you see how far you’ve come? Am I really so terrible at making you know that I I'm proud of you? Do you really not understand that I love you?”

 

The resulting gasp returns a small flicker of warmth to Victor’s heart. “Victor…”

 

He stands and walks past Yuuri to wear the ring has been abandoned. After scooping the band of gold into his hand, he hesitates. Neither moves.

 

Finally, Yuuri shatters the tension, walking over to Victor and bowing. “I’m sorry. I know I don’t deserve you or your forgiveness…”

 

That’s enough for Victor. He gathers Yuuri into his arms, embrace so tight he’s sure Yuuri is struggling to breathe. But he wants to feel the warmth of this man he loves, wants to chase away the cold for both of them. “I fell for you at the banquet, you know. And every day, I fall harder. What can I do to make you see what I see?”

 

“I don’t know,” Yuuri whispers. Victor holds him tighter.

 

“I want Yuuri to be Yuuri. That’s all.” 

 

The man he loves hugs him back, squeezing tightly in an effort to remove any distance between the two of them. “I’ll try to trust you, but please, please be patient with me.”

 

Victor kisses the top of his head and releases the man from his arms. He caresses his cheek and looks into soft brown eyes, red with tears. “I don’t expect you to be perfect. I believe you can win, but that’s not the reason I want to be with you. I want to get to know every part of you, Yuuri, so please allow me to do so.”

 

And Yuuri looks up at him and says, “Allow me to do the same with you,” and Victor kisses him because that’s all he can think to do. 

 

“I love you,” Yuuri says when they break apart, and Victor believes in this more than anything. He takes the rescued ring and knees in front of Yuuri.

 

“Stay close to me forever,” he whispers before taking Yuuri’s hand in his and returning the ring to its rightful place. 

 

Yuuri begins to cry once more, and Victor looks up at him in worry, but he then notices the rapture in his fiance’s eyes. “I will, Victor. I will.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! This is my first time contributing to this fandom, but after episode 11, I had to write these two dorks having an argument and realizing how much they love each other. Because no matter what happens, they are in love and they are getting married and everything will be fine and beautiful. 
> 
> Please feel free to talk to me at my tumblr, arudousardor.tumblr.com!


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